Not quite sure..

I'm not quite sure what to call today. It's a day off, which is a good thing. But it's a day off because my company is laying people off. As I sit at home, my co-workers, colleagues and friends are losing their jobs.

My company has been upfront, honest and professional about the situation. We were testing a dose for a new drug and the dose didn't work. And because the dose didn't work, now 15 people also don't. And that's 15 people from my group alone.

I will go back into work tomorrow and there will be empty labs, empty conference rooms, empty offices and empty cubes. Part of me will be empty too now that I no longer have the support and expertise of my colleagues.

A few of my colleagues didn't want to stay, didn't want to survive. Because the atmosphere would change and things would never be the same. I kept repeating two words, 'paycheck' and 'mortgage'.

Honestly, I do think of my job, even the changed one that will start tomorrow, with pleasure and a degree of pride. I have learned a tremendous amount and made significant contributions both personally (I started the Cookie Swap!) and professionally.

I will sorely miss my colleagues and what used to be. But this unexpected change has taught all of us a tremendous amount. It's not a lesson that anyone wanted to learn, but sometimes there are no other options.

I'm looking forward to meeting the future co-workers of those who are leaving and hearing the stories of how "we did better." I can't wait for our first reunion!