Bean's Thoughts

Transition Time

2011-05-03T17:29:00.000-04:00

Well, I missed last week's blog because of everything going on. Here's a summary of what happened and what is going to happen.
I had several phone screens and a few in-person interviews. I'm contracting with a company to help transition the compound we were developing (I haven't worked for an hourly rate in over a decade, maybe more).

Here's the plan:

This week - finish the transition work
Next week - vacation (Phoenix, sun, desert - here I come!)
16May11 - new position and new chapter in my life!

The end...and the beginning

2011-04-19T14:23:00.000-04:00

My last day was April 15th. On March 4th, there were 22 people in my group. On April 1st, there were 7 and on Monday, April 18th, there are 2. The workload has not changed.

It was extremely difficult to say good-bye to such a talented group of people. People who I trust and respect. There are going to be reunions, we're all on LinkedIn and who knows, I may end up working with a few of them again.

But it won't be the same, those days have ended.

It is now time to move forward. Time to harass the recruiters (have you heard anything yet?), to spend time on Monster every day, to continually update resume, to draft cover letters, to phone screen with people and go through the interviewing process.

People have told me that I am lucky, I should be considering this a paid vacation. It's not a vacation, job searching is hard work and time consuming. But these are the necessary steps for me to begin the next chapter in my life - my new beginning.

Decision

2011-04-12T19:32:00.000-04:00

While I was creating last week's blog, the Board of Directors for my company met and reviewed the 4 options available to them.

The decision was made on Monday night, our management team discussed it on Tuesday morning and we were informed on Tuesday afternoon that the company would be closing.

Liquidating the company was always one of the options, but it seemed contrary to the company's approach to get the job done. Now the job to be done is dismantling.

Dismantling the physical facilities of 2 floors of an office building in Kendall Square, Cambridge. That includes laboratory space, offices, cubicles, a kitchen and several conference rooms. There's furniture, computers, printers and even office supplies.

Thursday is the day that the remaining staff will be dismantled. For the remaining few of us, it's been a long week and days that are full of busy work. We're trying to transition 6 years of institutional knowledge in 3 days.

We're doing what we've always done - doing the best job possible with what we have.

Up in the air

2011-04-05T17:33:00.000-04:00

I usually like being up in the air. It means I'm off on vacation, I'm going to meet new people, learn new things or connect with old friends.

These days, up in the air refers to waiting for a decision about what is next for my company, and more importantly, my job.

There are several different options for moving ahead. Option 1 requires a certain set of skills or people. Option 2 requires a different set of skills/people. Option 3 means being the company being sold to our current partner and I would go from becoming part of a group of 47 employees to 1 of thousands. Option 4 means closing the company - I don't want to know what the skills are for those tasks.

I realize that it takes time to think through, to plan for and to understand all of the complexities of each option. Do those doing thinking, planning and understanding realize what we are going through?

I do have a job and for that I am grateful. I work with a group of talented, experienced professionals who can handle any situation. People who will do what it takes to get the job done.

Now, if someone will just tell us that job is.

Not quite sure..

2011-03-29T12:07:00.000-04:00

I'm not quite sure what to call today. It's a day off, which is a good thing. But it's a day off because my company is laying people off. As I sit at home, my co-workers, colleagues and friends are losing their jobs.

My company has been upfront, honest and professional about the situation. We were testing a dose for a new drug and the dose didn't work. And because the dose didn't work, now 15 people also don't. And that's 15 people from my group alone.

I will go back into work tomorrow and there will be empty labs, empty conference rooms, empty offices and empty cubes. Part of me will be empty too now that I no longer have the support and expertise of my colleagues.

A few of my colleagues didn't want to stay, didn't want to survive. Because the atmosphere would change and things would never be the same. I kept repeating two words, 'paycheck' and 'mortgage'.

Honestly, I do think of my job, even the changed one that will start tomorrow, with pleasure and a degree of pride. I have learned a tremendous amount and made significant contributions both personally (I started the Cookie Swap!) and professionally.

I will sorely miss my colleagues and what used to be. But this unexpected change has taught all of us a tremendous amount. It's not a lesson that anyone wanted to learn, but sometimes there are no other options.

I'm looking forward to meeting the future co-workers of those who are leaving and hearing the stories of how "we did better." I can't wait for our first reunion!

Recipe

2010-05-16T15:07:00.000-04:00

A couple of years ago, my niece, Elizabeth asked everyone to bring their recipes to Thanksgiving. As I don't cook, I had no recipe to bring. So I made one up.

Elizabeth’s Thanksgiving Recipe
2007

Ingredients:

1 Father
1 Mother
1 Brother
1 Dog (Bichon Frise recommended)
1 Large Dinner (second helpings included)
A cup of cousins
A gram of grandparents
A bushel of aunts
A peck of uncles
A dash of fun
A pinch of laughter
Smiles (season to taste)
A teaspoon of cookies
A tablespoon of pie

Directions:
Mix all of the above

Creates:
Lasting Memories

Serves:
10-20 people

Dinner Plates

2010-04-25T10:30:00.000-04:00

To be quite honest, I hate to wash dishes. Paper plates, paper towels, napkins, they are all fine with me.

I focus more on the food, not what it is served on. With the exception of Thanksgiving. When I was younger, I asked my mother why she set the dinner table the night before Thanksgiving. It seemed silly to leave it there and with two cats, it was also risky.

She just smiled and said it was one less thing to do in the morning. This made no sense to me because my father did the cooking and what appeared to be all the work.

I lost my mother five years ago and my father three years ago. There are very few of their material goods left and most have been scattered amongst my various siblings. Except for their wedding china. The same china that is used on the night before Thanskgiving to set a beautiful, welcoming table. One less thing to do the next day allowing us to spend more time together. Thanks, Mom!

The Book That Changed Everything

2010-03-14T10:28:00.000-04:00

When I read this prompt, the first book that came to mind was Lucifer's Hammer. My second thought was for The Stand, but Lucifer's Hammer won out.

I let the story stew in my mind and wondered what about it triggered my reaction?

It's our world but with the impending arrival of an asteroid (Lucifer's Hammer) that will end the world. At one point in the book, one of the characters compares the asteroid to part of a hot fudge sundae, which the public loves. The end of the world as they know it comes not on a Tuesday, but on Hot Fudge Tuesday. It's the same yet different.

And the characters are ordinary people. Sure, there's a Senator and some astronauts. But one of the astronauts is named Pieter Jakov. A bit of humor, poking fun at us.

The end of the world is described through the eyes of a boy scout troop watching the glowing embers of the smaller asteroids arrive or the surfer riding the tsunami caused by the impact of the big one. A different perspective on everyday people and things.

What I remember most are the characters: the nuclear engineer, the chicken farmer, the rich playboy, the office manager. Over the course of the story, they change as the world around them does. Some change in unexpected ways, others become the person they were meant to be and some even became the person I wanted them to be.

This end of the world epic captured my gaze with the graphics on the cover, it captured my attention with the theme of mankind surviving against all odds and it captured my heart by being rooted in my world. By being the same, yet different.

Message

2010-02-07T11:42:00.002-04:00

The prompt for today was 'message'. What is your message? What is other people's message?

I think it all comes down to this...we all need to listen to each other messages. Be open.

I'm not undecided...I'm INDEPENDENT

2010-01-30T11:16:00.002-04:00

Just to clear the air...

The media and government have labeled me as undecided. To them, it means I haven't decided between the Republican and Democrat parties. I have made my decision. And my decision is not to join either party. This means that I vote for the candidate that I will think does the best job, regardless of party. I am an INDEPENDENT.

New Leaf

2010-01-03T10:23:00.001-04:00

Lately, I've felt as if I've been peeking out from between the leaves. I'm not going to turn over a new leaf. I am going to push it aside and step forward!

2009-12-30T11:03:00.000-04:00

Holiday Spirit

Holiday spirit is like the loose snow in a snow globe, creating a striking panorama made up of individual contributions:

Greetings on cold days adding more warmth than any coat,

Laughter of good times shared,

Cherishing newly made memories,

Recollection of events and people making smiles,

Baked delights bringing pleasure both making & partaking,

Holiday cards with beautiful illustrations and well wishes,

Shining, festive lights brightening the winter dark,

Newsletters, written in ink but glowing with pride,

Gifts of all kinds,

And especially you.

Together, these snowflakes create a season to treasure and are what make the holidays such a wonderful time!

I miss the dogs

2009-12-13T11:32:00.002-04:00

Now that the weather has gotten colder, the dogs are disappearing. Overall, it's a good thing. They're staying inside where it is warm and they are surrounded by their loved ones.
When the dogs go inside, I don't see them.

I can see the cats in the windows. Part of me thinks that the cats all over the world can communicate with other making them Mother Nature's satellite system.

But now as I walk to the train, or home, or just around the block, the dogs are gone. And I'll miss them.

2009-08-31T19:06:00.002-04:00

The Last of Fred

Fred was supposed to be my father’s cat

and she was supposed to be a he.

“Did they find your cat?”

The words cut through my fatigued fog.

I forced, “I’ll check and let you know.”

Fear battled fatigue, havoc within my mind.

I dragged myself into the house and called for the cats,

No sign of Fred. No answering, “MEOW”.

I dropped my physical baggage,

the emotional baggage multiplied tenfold.

She was waiting for me. Curled up next to her water bowl,

barely able to lift her head and squeak, “meow.”

I wanted to turn back the clock,

I wanted to break the clock,

slow it down,

stop it.

Tears dropped onto the phone as I dialed for help.

Stroking Fred, I can’t help wondering,

Does she think I let her down?

She doesn’t resist the carrier.

Settling with a the look in her eyes imprints on my soul.

MEOW, MEOW emerges from the backseat,

a brief smile slips onto my face,

just like old times.

Maybe it’s not as bad as I think.

Maybe I haven’t neglected her as she faded away.

The vet tech offers paper towels for my tears.

She has nothing that will help my guilt.

The vet’s pregnant belly arrives before she does.

Fred is dying and life goes on.

I didn’t protect her.

It won’t be the same.

It can’t.

I look at her white mittened paws hanging off the blue towel.

Petting her and whispering words, any words,

I know what I need to do.

I know what is best for Fred.

I try to hold her,

but Fred doesn’t want to be held,

she wants to lie down.

She’s rejected me because I failed her.

Within seconds, we have said good-bye and she is gone.

The long silent ride home turned into a long, silent night.

Shouting from the rooftop!

2009-06-26T09:27:00.000-04:00

I'm in the office today and don't have access to the roof....

The pants that I am wearing today are 2 sizes (yes, that's right - 2) smaller than the pair that I wore yesterday!!!!!!!

Numbers

2009-02-08T12:33:00.003-04:00

I used to enjoy numbers. I worked with during the day, I incorporated them into my stories.

But two numbers have scared me. My cholesterol level and my triglyceride level. Each result is only three digits, but what an impact those digits have had on me.

I could ignore them and life could continue as before. However, it would be a shorter and less pleasant life.

So I have decided to follow the numbers and make some changes. A tweak here, a tuck there. It's what I knew I should have been doing, but the numbers threw everything more clearer into focus.

I know in the long run, things will be better, I still wish they had been lottery numbers.

Fabric Shortage

2008-08-30T20:07:00.002-04:00

I went shopping for a dress today. For me, it is about as enjoyable as going to the dentist.

I went to six stores. That's right, six stores and looked at over a hundred dresses. If I have to pay money for a dress, it should have all of it's parts. There were only 3 or 4 with sleeves. 3 or 4!

Is there a fabric shortage I don't know about?

Mixed Message

2008-08-24T12:23:00.002-04:00

The Olympics are over. It has been two weeks of triumphs, tragedies, tears and medals.
The day after Michael Phelps won his 8th medal, his picture appeared on the front page of the Boston Globe. Off to the side were two pictures - the two servicemen who were killed in Iraq on the same day.

There on the front page - Michael Phelps setting an incredible record with his whole life in front of him. Next to him, smaller were the two men whose lives were over.

Big and little pictures on the same page. Is that how we will remember them?

Grave Dilemma

2008-07-13T15:27:00.003-04:00

When I go to visit my mother's grave, I stop and buy flowers. Carnations were her favorite and they are generally easy to find. If I can't find carnations, then I bring mums.

I don't like to go to my parents' grave empty-handed, somehow, it just doesn't feel right. Finding flowers for Mom is easy. But what about Dad?

Dad was not a flower guy. His favorite food was onions, but the thought of leaving onions at the grave is not appealing. I could bring a Red Sox pennant or a Celtics championship flag, but that didn't seem right either.

I hit upon the idea one morning when I was getting coffee. In his last few months, we indulged my diabetic father's sweet tooth. The nursing home was checking his insulin twice a day, so we figured a little something sweet to perk up his day couldn't hurt.

All of his sweets went into his nightstand drawer. Because his appetite had decreased, there were days when that drawer was pretty full. But emptying the drawer was not an option Dad would even consider.

So as I stood in the coffee line, the Friday before Father's Day, I spotted the cookies. Dad liked the Dunkin Donuts cookie, well 2 out of the 3. He was not a big fan of the oatmeal raisin.

So on Father's Day morning, I headed to Dunkin Donuts and bought Dad two of his favorite cookies. The carnations from Mother's Day had been removed and there was plenty of room for me to leave the chocolate chip and peanut butter cookies for him.

PROMPT: When I watch you

2008-06-10T09:30:00.002-04:00

When I watch you

You make me smile

Recalling giggles

Watching with Dad

Sharing interest

Classic tales retold

Educating stories

Friendship

Pirate ship

Space ship

Kermit

Miss Piggy

Fozzie

A younger Dad

A younger me

Lots of memories

Thank you...I think

2008-06-08T11:48:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was Reggie's annual exam. Reggie is my cat. So, early yesterday morning, I forced my cat into a small cardboard box with strategically placed air holes. The box then goes in the back seat of the warm car for a ride. At the vet's office, he is poked, prodded, his teeth probed and his organs felt. They weigh him (I'm jealous - he is better at maintaining his weight than I am ) and got a few shots.

It's then time to be squished back in the box for another ride home. Once free of his carrier, he hides for a few hours. Until the sound of the vacuum sends him flying from his hiding spot under the bed to the hiding spot under the computer in the den.

Routine soon returned and Reggie headed outside for his nightly stroll and came in around the usual time.

This morning, in the bright sunlight, I found his thank you gift for taking such good care of him, a dead mouse. A feline thank you gift.

Thank you...I think!

Mother's Day - Then and Now

2008-05-11T18:29:00.003-04:00

Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's Day is not the same now that my mother is gone. I still visit my mother, but now I go to her grave instead of her house.

Shopping has become easier, flowers to show how much I miss her rather than a gift purchased so I could cross it off my to do list.

The biggest change is in the emotions of the day. Dinner or brunch with the gang: siblings, in-laws, nieces and nephews; Mom's favorite meal. There was laughter from giggles to guffaws. There was appreciation for gifts and a meal well prepared.

Now, there is silence and tears.

As I drive back to my life, I realize that my mother would be angry. She wanted people to smile, to laugh. So I remember that and a smile slips on to my face and happiness returns to my life.

Thanks, Mom.

Bodily Functions

2008-04-27T15:07:00.002-04:00

Lately, I have been obsessed my bodily functions. Even scarier, functions other than my own.

It started simply enough. I bought a new litter box for my cat. I was tired of changing the box once a week, spending $20 every two weeks for litter, having to remember whether or not I had enough to change the box (and I wasn't always right).

So I stopped one night and picked up one of the automated litter boxes. The boxes that clean themselves. I didn't get home until late that night and I was only able to get the monstrosity out of the packaging before falling into bed.

The next night, I started to put it together, but it was Friday night and my determination only lasted for about 15 minutes.

Bright and early Saturday morning, I was on a mission. I had everything I needed or so I thought. I was missing the AC adapter. It was in the styrofoam packing that I was so proud of having tossed out earlier.

I did have batteries, but I would be exchanging the weekly replacement of kitty litter with double AA batteries. Not what I wanted.

Sunday morning, after yoga class, I ran to Home Depot and with the help of a friendly staffer found a generic AC adapter. I eagerly attached the adapter and plugged in the cord, the green light was so beautiful.

Everything was done! I was ready to toss out the old litter box. There was just one problem, the cat didn't like the new litter box.

I had been hesitant to toss out the old one immediately and simply placed the two boxes side by side. The cat steadfastly used the old litter box. I cut down the amount of litter and he still used the old box. Finally, I removed all of the litter and left him no choice.

So for more than a week, I watched the bodily functions of my cat. When he went to the litter box, what he did. He has finally accepted the new litter box. How do I know this?

When he comes in from outside, the litter box is on his list of stops. First, a quick snack, then a few sips of water and then... the litter box.

PROMPT: Oil and Water

2008-04-22T09:14:00.002-04:00

Fred, the Girl Cat

Hiding in the dark cellar

She likes me best!

Barely raise her head

Purrs like a tank

Panic phone call

Snuggle on my chest

Long, noisy drive

Chasing headlights on the wall

Weepy decision

Welcomed me home

What's best for her

Treasured memories

Be a Tree

2008-03-18T20:01:00.000-04:00

I would be a Christmas tree
an artificial one!

Wrapped carefully
Unwrapped gingerly

Excitement
Anticipation

Strength in my base
Memories in my branches

Ornaments, my old friends
Glowing lights, my family

Presents protected
I know something you don’t

Watching
Waiting
Absorbing

Smugness on the eve
Joy on the morning

Relief on the day after
Free to be myself

Spellbound

2008-03-18T13:16:00.002-04:00

The Ocean

Mesmerizing motion
Soothing
Inviting

Part of a whole
The same, yet different
Constantly renewing

Comforting
Inspiring
Relaxing

Fun memories
Future plans
Belonging

Awakening

2008-03-18T13:07:00.002-04:00

The prompt for this week is awakening. I mulled over the prompt for several days before it clicked for me.

My voice as a writer is awakening. Ideas are never difficult for me, but turning those ideas into a solid piece of writing has been a challenge. Things like grammar (those darn semi-colons), realistic dialogue, non-stereotypical characters are now minor bumps and while I don't always catch everything, I know how to fix them.

Previously, I have used writing retreats, writing group deadlines and other events as deadlines to ensure that I keep writing, because my desire sometimes slipped.

But recently, and I don't honestly know exactly when, there has been a change. The writing flows and it flows effortlessly. And I am loving it!

Now if I could pinpoint one genre, everything would be perfect!

Destiny

2008-03-15T13:07:00.002-04:00

I checked this week's prompt and found it interesting. I wrote it down and set my mind to mulling the possibilities. A few days later, I saw a mention of Michael Vick and his dogfighting activities.

So over the past few days, I've been wondering about destiny. Are certain people, animals destined to leave hard lives and some destined to lead easy lives? I haven't been able to find answer.

I just keep wondering why?

Rising

2008-03-15T13:01:00.004-04:00

Mind awakening
Eyes opening

Nestled pillows
Cocooned blankets

Bundle of fur
Snuggled
Protected

Cold floor
Bright lights

Brush away bedhead
Clear plaque
Prevent wrinkles

Steam and warmth
Toweled bathrobe

Seek clothes
Match shoes

Pack lunch
Bundle up

Face the sun
Greet the world

Dreams

2008-03-15T12:52:00.002-04:00

Joining another world
Entering a story

Adding a character
Han Solo's little sister

Smarter than the rest
I know who shot J.R.

Changing the ending
Bartlett elected to third term

Blurring of lines
Two worlds becoming one - mine

It can't be true

2008-03-04T21:01:00.002-04:00

Darkened house
Ringing phone
Dread-filled stomach
It can't be true

Tear filled drive
Surrounded by family
Together for one
It can't be true

Shallower breaths
Lower heart rate
Still with us
It can't be true

Stopped heart
Unfilled lungs
Absent pulse
It can't be true

Funeral arrangements
Sharing a loss
Preparing for good-bye
It can't be true

June morning
Marines in dress
Taps in quiet air
It can't be true

Almost a year
Percolating memories
Pangs of grief
It can't be true

Rivalry

2008-03-04T20:52:00.002-04:00

In general, I like to avoid confrontation, fights, arguments, disagreements. I know that is not quite realistic, but it makes life more enjoyable.

But I will admit to the guilty pleasure of enjoying a rivalry. And not just any rivalry, the Boston Red Sox - New York Yankee rivalry. Because that really is the only one that matters.

I was traveling once and someone mentioned that I, being from New England or for that matter, anywhere above the Mason-Dixon Line, was a Yankee. My ability to talk quickly was unmatched that day as I fervently denied being a Yankee, I even further clarified that the reference was bordering on insulting.

Rivalry can be a waste or a misdirection of emotions for people, but for these two teams (and I am sure that there are others), it notches up the quality of play on both sides.

I find baseball games boring (except the playoffs) and think that the seventh inning stretch really starts in the second. But not Red Sox - Yankee games - I watch every pitch, every minute of the game knowing that my Red Sox will win, if not, then the umpires are blind!

Empowered

2008-03-04T20:48:00.002-04:00

I know it sounds hokey, but I empower myself. It is more than just ordinary decisions, it is my ability to create.

To create characters that my readers can relate to, can dislike, want to protect. When making new people, I can empower them with character traits, physical characteristics.

I build worlds, both in time and place. Within those environments, I make law, build monuments, define history and envision a future - all to my specifics and supporting my ideals.

Empower is a buzzword for those of us who manager, empower your staff, empower yourself.

I have found that I enjoy life the most when I empower my imagination.

Prompt: Perspective

2008-02-26T21:06:00.002-04:00

Yard Sale

Too cheap
Too expensive

Unnecessary part
Missing a piece

Broken In
Used

Get rid of crap
Stuff for a song

Parade for veterans
Lines of shoppers

Life for sale

Prompt: Second Chances

2008-02-26T20:59:00.002-04:00

Cute accountant
Softball together

He: Team MVP
Me: The "K" Queen

Same Party Crowd
Never One on One

Ordinary Thursday
He's leaving

Discreetly rush
Walk out together

He: Plans
Me: Tonight, no. Weekend Yes

Then:
Fuzzy question - dinner or drink?
Branded answer: Have to do laundry for weekend

Now:
Fuzzy question: doesn't matter
Branded answer: YES, YES, YES

Prompt: The Weather

2008-02-26T20:50:00.002-04:00

30 Years Ago, 40 Inches

A white world
For 3 days

Snow mounds
Banks combining with branches

Police cruiser commuting
Extended school vacation

Power loss
Web of downed wires

Groceries - staples only
Sleds not carts

Emergency State
Emergency Local
Assistance Federal

Snow, snow, snow
Mountain Clifton
Base of Snowball Attacks

Excitement for a 1o year old!

Prompt: The Body

2008-02-19T20:26:00.001-04:00

The Shared Body

Textures

Smells

Sights

Sensations

One family

Four red-heads

One brunette

One bald

Sharing of DNA

Eye Color

Height

Weight

Ever changing

Always New

Good and Bad

Prompt: Time Travel

2008-02-19T20:23:00.001-04:00

Time Travel

Winds of change unstopped

Spanish Armada sails on

Revolutions never occurred

Marie Antoinette shares cake

Wars not fought

Archduke Ferdinand dies naturally

Pilgrims not persecuted

Native Americans redefined

Make a change

Will it improve?

Will it worsen?

Learn from the past

What would lessons be?

Changed

2008-02-17T18:48:00.000-04:00

Eat to Live

Batter to Cake

Egg to Scramble

Crisp to Al Dente

Ground beef to turkey

Whole to skim milk

White to whole wheat

Whole to Chunks

Piles to Layers

Pieces to Casserole

Sunday dinner becoming leftovers

Family secret to shared recipe

Pot luck

Ingredients to Packaged

Family meal to value meal

Local to Global

Regional to Fusion

Live to Eat

Sacrifice

2008-02-17T18:44:00.000-04:00

Sacrifice

Difficult

Painful

One for another

One for all

One versus many

Bad for a benefit

Choice made for you

Choice made by you

Hotel Al

2008-01-27T16:59:00.000-04:00

I like to travel, to go to new places, have new experiences, a change of pace. With the pace of life so hectic, trips seem to be getting shorter and shorter. My most recent trip to New Orleans was a whirlwind.

Fly in on Sunday night (in time for the Packers-Giant game). Meeting Monday from 7:30 to 6, dinner with the group from 6:30 on.. Meeting reconvened Tues morning at 8 and ended at 11:45. My ride to the airport left at 12:15. I saw Bourbon Street, literally just saw it.

Luckily for me, the ride back to the airport was amazing. The shuttle was driven by Hotel Al. Al, who had worked for the Hotel Monteleone for 48 years. That's right, 48 years.

He started driving the hotel's limousine and then switched to the airport shuttle. Al was funny, witty and a character. I tried to memorize some of his conversation so that I could use the dialogue later:

"A cacajun is a cajun with a cold."
"During Hurricane Katrina, he slept with an ironing board between himself and his ex-wife so that she would not take advantage of him. "
"At the age of 70, he had learned a new four letter word that started with F, FEMA."

He loved his job, he was proud of his native city and his heritage.

I had the privilege of being in the company of someone who truly enjoyed life.

Decision Tine

2008-01-22T11:47:00.000-04:00

Decision Tine

not now, soon

fear of disappointing

awareness of self ebbing

it can wait

fear of failure

stunting of emotions

nestled in routine

challenge of change

avoidance of growth

Treasure

2008-01-15T23:04:00.000-04:00

You may find this odd, but I treasure a moment or two during shoveling. I usually trudge out around 6:30 in the morning (early for me) to clear the car, the driveway and the walkway.

What I find is that I am alone. Alone with the snow. Alone in the winter wonderland. The pristine beauty created by Mother Nature glistening in the rising sun. It is quite a sight.

It is also peaceful. My neighbors aren't yet up, so mine is only the shovel and those lucky few with snowblowers are still sleeping. The only sound is of the wind as it gently pushes it way here and there.

It is me, the quiet and the beauty for a treasured moment.

Football

2008-01-13T14:34:00.000-04:00

I have been watching football since I was a child. I still don't think I fully understand the intricacies of the game, but it is fun to watch!

Growing up, I remember Steve Grogan, Mosi Tatupu, Irving Fryar and Steve Nelson. With the Patriots doing so well, there are more fans than ever for the New England Patriots.

But for me, football has always been tied to family. My father was a quiet man, but he like to talk about sports. So if I could talk football, I could talk with my father.

My brother used to throw Superbowl parties and at that time, we New England fans, would pick which of the teams to vote for and which commercial we like best.

My brother now has a 51 inch high-def tv. Football on that is amazing. So are "the 51 inches of Tom Brady" that we are invited to watch.

Football is about downs, yards, TDs, field goals, onside kicks and the like. It is about winners and losers. Fans are drawn together to watch, to hope, to groan and to cheer their team.

On that one day, the team on the field creates a team off the field. Teams of families watching the game, teams of fans. I wish that air of camaraderie, that air of teamsmanship remained throughout the rest of the week.

Over the Horizon

2008-01-08T20:06:00.000-04:00

Just beyond my reach

places to see

people to meet

Just within my reach

history to make

memories to create

In my reach

hopes

dreams

A Holiday of Presents and Presence

2007-12-19T22:52:00.000-04:00

The holiday season is filled with presents. Presents from neighbors, friends, colleagues, loved ones and many others. Gaily wrapped packages, bright and shiny awaiting their moment in the holiday glow.

The holiday season is also filled with presence. Presence in holiday greetings sent to people who are a part of our lives. It can be as simple as a “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Hanukkah”, family newsletters sharing exiting news with those who are cherished or photographs proudly displaying the healthy, happy children. All messages bringing smiles to those who receive them.

For those who can not be with us, we cherish their presence in our memories. Memories of starting family traditions, lessons of love and patience, meals prepared with love and tenderness. Sharing laughter, tears, joys and happiness.

May you have a Holiday season filled with Presents and Presence!

The Promise

2007-12-04T21:51:00.000-04:00

Over the course of my life, I have made many promises. But the most important promise has been the one that I made to myself.

A promise not to regret.

I will:

make decisions to enjoy life and all it offers
express my opinions good and bad so that my voice is heard
give thanks to people that have helped me or
enjoy those who have been a part of my life
appreciate things big and small while I still can

I Am Thankful

2007-11-24T12:12:00.000-04:00

My bookend brothers
Two wiser sisters
Patient sisters-in-law
Vacation memories
Nieces: teen, pre-teen and three
Nephews: Endlessly growing
The presence of my parents
The ability to create
The confidence to share

The Thanksgiving Recipe

2007-11-24T12:09:00.000-04:00

This year I was asked to bring a Thanksgiving recipe by my niece. I thought I would also share it with you.

E’s Thanksgiving Recipe - 2007

Ingredients:

1 Father
1 Mother
1 Brother
1 Dog (Bichon Frise recommended)
1 Large Dinner (second helpings included)
A cup of cousins
A gram of grandparents
A bushel of aunts
A peck of uncles
A dash of fun
A pinch of laughter
Smiles (season to taste)
A teaspoon of cookies
A tablespoon of pie

Directions:
Mix all of the above

Creates:
Lasting Memories

Serves:
10-20 people

Veteran's Day

2007-11-11T10:17:00.000-04:00

I was in a car , riding off to have fun on a beautiful fall day. Initially, I thought it was someone remembering a loved one. But as the telephone poles passed and the list continued, the importance seeped into my mind. I was looking at the names of fallen who will never see the town of Holliston, but will be remembered by it.

I passed a tribute to the men and women who have died in Iraq. It was a simple white sign with black lettering. In black was the name, rank and place of origin of a soldier who has given their life. There were soldiers from across the country and all over the world. Each piece of cardboard topped by a flag, their flag.

The signs were about 6 feet high. The height of a soldier, standing at attention. It was as if we were being protected. Working as escorts, each one 100 feet apart, on alternating sides of the road. Having given their lives in the service of their country, now their memory stood somber and proud.

A stark reminder that the crisp, fall day, the outing with family, our freedom to travel where we wanted - all of that came at a price. A high price.

Getting Ready

2007-10-29T19:30:00.000-04:00

I am getting ready for National Novel Writing Month (NANOWRIMO) starting on Thursday. The goal is to write 50,000 words by midnight on November 30th!

Sounds intimidating, I know. I have found that the past way to approach the task is to address it as 1667 words a day. No one will ever read the work, so anything goes.

For me, it is a chance to let the ideas flow without interruption. No chapter breaks, no revisions, no submissions, just increasing the word count.

I have accomplished this achievement 4 times, now this will be my 5th. Why do I do this? Put myself through this craziness?

To let the good ideas roll!

Hiding

2007-10-12T11:19:00.000-04:00

I am hiding today.

Hiding from everything. My meeting starts tonight, but I flew in early.

So, today, no one is looking for me. No one is sending me hundreds of emails, no one is trying to schedule a meeting, save me a spot for yoga or wait for me as the seventh player on the field hockey team.

There is a Do Not Disturb sign on the door, not even the maid will interrupt me. No one knows me here. I am enjoying my anonymity. It is a nice place to hide and I will be hiding only through this evening.

Then the craziness of life will return, the hectic pace, the responsibilities, the duties, the schedule, the chores. But that is later. Now, I am going back to my hiding.

Anniversary

2007-09-23T19:06:00.000-04:00

Last night, I attended a party for my aunt and uncle's fiftieth wedding anniversary. That's right, fifty years.

In today's world, where some marriages don't even last 50 hours, this is almost unheard of. I received the invitation some time ago and enjoyed the wedding picture reflecting the high styles of the late 1950's.

My aunt and uncle wanted to have a quiet family dinner to celebrate. The party for 75 at the American Legion was not quite the evening they had in mind. It was better.

Family, immediate and extended, friends, colleagues, even the mayor was there. Fifty years. Ten presidents, twelve Olympiads, the Cold War, the fall of the Berlin Wall.

Three nieces, seven nephews, one brother in law, three sisters in law, three children and six grandchildren. Quite a crowning achievement!

It was a great night of catching up and seeing everyone. But even today, the day after, I still can't quite grasp the idea of fifty years together. I do know one thing, time passed but they haven't changed. She is still the life of the party and he stills likes to let her shine.

Destination Unknown

2007-09-09T19:49:00.000-04:00

I made a quick trip to Target on Saturday. I needed new luggage for a trip. So I picked luggage that would stand out on the conveyor belt - it's lilac.

Where am I going, you might ask. I don't know.

I have a big birthday coming up and my sisters are taking me away. Here is what I know: We are leaving at 8:45 from Logan on Wednesday morning. I have been told to pack for warm weather.

My sisters have been providing clues. These have ranged from the work farm to the ice hotel to igloos to pup tents on a dude ranch. My sisters are thoroughly enjoying my lack of knowledge.

This is the exact opposite of how I normally travel. I have the dates and times all planned out. Scoping out the tourist areas and even drafting a plan of what to see and when. After my flight on Wednesday, I have no idea.

I will update you next week!

Stretching My Limits

2007-09-03T15:21:00.000-04:00

I have been writing for years now. Off and on, more recently, on more than off. I write a little bit of everything.

To be more accurate, I write the ideas that come to me. I don't know the source of the ideas, rather I happily follow the trail on which they take me.

My writing has improved over the course of the years. I can clearly see a difference between older works and newer works. Someday, you may be able to as well!

There are two areas where I need to focus some of my attention. My characters tend to be a little stereotypical and the relationships between them usually needs more defintion than I have provided.

How to fix that? I can continually re-write existing pieces or I could try something new. I have already started review a grammar handbook to tighten up those skills. What would be my next step for character and relationship development.

I signed up for and have started a class in "Essentials of Romance". Yes, that's right, the bodice ripper, heaving bosom novels. It's only week one and I have already struggled with the first assignment, but I already have a better sense of characters and the beginnings of understanding describing the relationships (and I don't mean just the sex!).

The first assignment was to present a story idea(s) for a novel, similar to the blurb you would see on the back of the book. The excerpt below is a little too focused for a book blurb, but it hopefully causes you to read more!

Imperfect

Twenty years. It had taken Maureen Piston twenty years to reach her goal. Years of studying of physics, engineering, astronautics to ensure that she had all of the necessary knowledge. Physical training, every day, so that she could handle any situation that might arise. All of her sweat and dedication led up to this moment.

Sitting in the pilot seat of the submersible, her brown eyes focused on the control panel, her mind wandered. The memory of Mark Langton invaded her thoughts; his lopsided smile, his ears that jutted out from his head only partially covered by his loose, sandy blond hair.

Pulling her thoughts back to the present, Maureen activated the engines and the submersible descended into the clear blue water of the Caribbean. For the next six months, she would be leading the research project at the NovoMar facility, two thousand feet beneath the sea.

Her hands and fingers performed the routine that they had practiced thousands of times. Living her mind free. Free to return to Mark. He was seated only fifty feet behind her. But the distance between them was far greater. Mark lived to enjoy life. He wasn’t focused, rather following his instincts from college major to college major; from job to job.

As the descent continued, Maureen’s mind wavered between her piloting responsibilities and Mark. Even after all of these months, she hadn’t learned how to keep him out of her thoughts. They had met at the first briefing session. Mark had been chosen to be the facility manager. His duties would include repairs, maintenance of the facility’s equipment. He would be busy.

Grateful that he would be busy, Maureen knew that it would allow her to focus on her priorities. She had finished her doctorate as the youngest candidate and was eager to continue her research. A loose tendril of blank hair slipped from her ponytail to hang in her eyes. A slight puff of breath pushed it out of the way and her attention back to the screen in front of her.

There it was. NovoMar Oceanographic Research Facility, a glistening dome on the ocean’s floor; like a pearl that had fallen out of its shell. The hydroponics that they would be researching would help to feed the world. Maureen could feel the importance of their mission settle into her bones.

The intercom buzzed and Maureen coordinated docking arrangements. Maneuvering the submersible into place, her eyes missed the spike on the seismometer; the spike that indicated an earthquake.

The ocean floor roared and lava spewed into the air. Maureen struggled to maintain control of the submersible, but the shock waves were too much for her to handle. It slammed into the side of the facility, rupturing the dome.

Maureen wiped the trickle of blood that seeped into the corner of her eye. She needed to see. She needed to know what was happening. How much damage was there? Would the dome survive?

There was silence in the submersible.

Defining Dad

2007-08-30T21:23:00.000-04:00

Defining Dad

Maverick on the sideline
Fred, Cobby, Dad, Bobby
Baseball fan and player

Stoic and silent
Opinionated and proud
Faithful and loyal

Military corners
Launderer extraordinare
Dish stacker

Head shaker
Coin jingler
Pacer

47 years of husbandry
46 years of fatherhood
16 years of granddad

Sly smiler
Unpicky eater
Quietly strong

Discarding Memories

2007-08-26T15:33:00.000-04:00

I spent this weekend cleaning memories. It didn't start that way. On my to-do list, it read:

clean and shred bills
move paperwork
Xmas stuff to be organized
move Xmas stuff
sort sheets
sort blankets
put out trash

My plan was to head over first thing Saturday morning and take the last things out of the basement of the old house. There were a few things left in the bedroom closet, the majority of the work would be in the cellar.

On a hot, sticky day, I figured that the cool, stone cellar would be a good place to be. I had forgotten the dust, dirt that seemed to multiply with every breath. The work was more than I had anticipated and not just because of the heat.

Every item I picked up was laden with memories. The wool lap blanket that my cat used to love. The moment it came out of storage, it was hers. The black furs almost brought tears to my eyes.

The sweatshirt from a company outing, now 10 years ago. The anchor wrapped around the company logo brought back memories of dancing to "Brick House" and introducing our mild-mannered R&D director to "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights".

I finished sorting, bagging, dumping and moving early this morning. As I walked through the empty house, I realized that I am a very different person moving out than I was moving in.

Obviously older, eight years or so. But also more forgiving, more accepting. Maybe even more mature. My focus is now on what matters to me and how it will make me feel rather than what others think. No one every really explains how hard that lesson is to learn.

I pushed the memories aside and sorted. There was quite a pile ready to go out to the sidewalk for bulk trash pickup. A pile of memories not deemed important enough to keep. It was oddly comforting when others picked them up and started new memories

Poetry Thursday

2007-08-23T21:40:00.000-04:00

Last to First

Like he is
Like he will always be

Missed dearly
Remembered fondly

Stone wet with tears
Birthday never the same

Schlitz brings smiles
Misty eyed memories

Loss of a treasure

Contracting

2007-08-18T18:03:00.000-04:00

A few months ago, I received a call from the government asking for my assistance. My ego was thrilled. Wow - they need me!

It has been a fun project and an interesting learning experience. For example, when you establish yourself as a government contractor, all of the web screens have the logo "this website is being continually monitored."

As I typed by my way through the multitude of screens, chuckles slipped out as I realized that red tape had migrated to the Internet!

Most interesting of all, when I write stories or novels, there are references to government agents, officials and other employees. It wasn't until I was finished that I realized I was now one of those people!

Sunday Afternoons

2007-08-12T17:47:00.000-04:00

Earlier this year, I finished writing my book. It started as a family saga with action, humor and romance. During the week, life is a little too crazy for solid thinking time. So I have been doing all of my chores, work etc on Saturday and I have been writing, or more accurately revising.

I enjoy writing, let my fingers follow my imagination. I hate revising. Especially on Sunday afternoons. It is nice out, friends have gone to the pool and I am revising. The cat likes having me around. And is good for a few distractions now and then.

Revising is like dieting. It's no fun while ongoing, but it gives you a good feeling when you are done. A step closer to something that makes sense, something that will, hopefully, be published.

Enjoying my naivete

2007-08-05T15:03:00.000-04:00

I have always known that I've led a sheltered life. Growing up in the suburbs, away from urban decay and crime.

There was a roof over my head, food on the table, presents under the Christmas. My parents didn't have much, but they loved and took care of me. (Mom, Dad - I miss you!)

The schools were good, class about average size, we had the usual teenage angst, but we had enough textbooks, classrooms and teachers. We had music classes and a fully staffed library.

In my life, war has always taken place somewhere else. I haven't had to worry about snipers, road side bombing, explosions.

In the middle of revising of my book, I am struggling with one of the characters. She is nine years old. At age nine, I wouldn't have been able to do half of what she did. But I lived in a sheltered world, she has not. So my struggle has been, while she is nine in physical years - how old is she really?

It depresses me to think that children all over the world are living in situations where they are outgrowing their years. I wish I could share my naivety with them.

Random Thoughts

2007-08-01T21:23:00.000-04:00

Why do my yoga instructors keep asking me to find my "sitting bones"? They haven't moved.

This weekend, I was able to see a baby giraffe, only 3 days old. He was called, for now at least, "Spike". The Zoo also had a video tape of his birth. It was amazing - I have never seen a giraffe give birth before - it was incredible!

Why do I only need to stop for gas when I am running late?

M*A*S*H are just as funny today as they were when the show aired! I still love Klinger's outfits!

Why won't my house sell?

Revising a book is not as much fun as writing it the first time.

And like I always said, SpaghettiOs do go with beer!

Animal Lover

2007-07-22T10:20:00.001-04:00

I have been an animal lover for years. Growing up, my family had a series of pets, mostly cats, but there was a memorable dog named Schlitz. I have had my own cats, or more realistically, they have had me. The first was Fred followed by Reggie. Fred is no longer with us, but Reggie is curled up on a pillow, once mine now his.

I have always been fascinated by pandas and enjoy learning about animals, in their environments. Zoos are high on my list of tourist places, I have extended trips to San Diego just to spend time there.

I try to make efforts to be open-minded and not to pass judgment without all of the facts, but it was difficult to maintain this week when the news of arrest of a famous football player for dog fighting. Stories of dogs murdered because they aren't fast enough, cruel methods of executed, horrific living conditions. How can anyone treat animals in such a way?

But what scared me more was that this player is considered a role model. There are fans all over the country who look up to him. Both his team and his league are in a tough spot, the player is innocent until proven guilty, but they need to send a strong message that they don't condone this behavior.

His league and team have stated that he is innocent or that they are waiting for the legal system to take action.

Sadly, I haven't heard that they condone the mistreatment of animals.

Saying thank you

2007-07-08T14:48:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine recently did a big favor for me. I thanked him, but it was a big favor and words didn't seem enough.

So I sent a gift certificate to show J, how much his stepping in really helped me. He immediately told me that it wasn't necessary.

I understand his reaction, I would have said the same thing. But, it wasn't enough for me. I needed to do a little more.

Some have said that it is a way of buying attention or something similar. Using money or material gifts to replace emotions.

Honestly, it could be true. But I like to think that it is a case of showing (more than just a series of words strung together) that I was thinking of what had been done for me and how much I appreciated it.

Notes from Vacation

2007-07-01T18:01:00.000-04:00

Skittles don't melt, they smudge.

Baking sand rids it of bugs and such.

Freckles multiply faster than rabbits.

The sound of the ocean is like a lullaby.

My raft had decorative holes, not cup holders.

It's a different world on the other side of the bridge.

Spray sunscreen works when it is sprayed on the right areas.

Early risers and late sleepers don't mix well... until the afternoon.

Finding myself

2007-06-25T13:13:00.000-04:00

Somehow, over the past few months, I have lost myself. It sounds silly, I know, but I was so wrapped in work and other priorities, I became another person. A person I really don't know and honestly, don't like all that much.

Luckily, I had a vacation scheduled. So I took it. Relaxing, reading, putting together puzzles, applying sunscreen. I have almost found myself and this time.

Sleeping through the night is helpful, but even better, the ideas are back.

I have been doing some editing and the creative juices are flowing again! And it feels so right!

Happy Father's Day

2007-06-19T16:43:00.000-04:00

It was a beautiful day, Friday. The Friday before Father's Day. White clouds, blue sky, green grass all offset by the somber air of the cemetery.

There they were. Next to each other in death as they had been in life. My father on my mother's right to protect her bad arm. As they did in life, they will do in eternity.

We had helped them move several times during their lives, this is their last move. They are now in the permanent home.

There were two marines. One to play Taps and the other to give us the flag. Both a fitting tribute and giving us the finality we needed.

Dad is back with Mom, safe and content.

Happy's Father Day, Dad. I miss you.

The View from the Car

2007-06-10T19:37:00.000-04:00

We went away for the weekend. A friend's house in Maine, Saco to be exact. It is about 2 hours from my house and what could be a long ride. A niece in her car seat, a teenage nephew folded into the backseat. My sister and myself in the front.

The ride up was uneventful. One highway after another. It was late and dark. No much to look at and on the Maine turnpike - there was nothing.

But Saturday and Sunday were so different. We were on the tourist roads, (Rtes 1, 9, 5 , 112). All of which give you a snippet of a town's life. There are the tourist traps (t-shirt shops, beach gear vendors and lots of restaurants.

But there were other things. The election signs supporting a candidate, the placards both for and against a tax override. The chains such as Dunkin Donuts, McDonalds, Hannafords. But there were also the local favorites: Rosa Linda's, Cascades, Mainely Yours, Stonewall Kitchen.

There was the mandatory stop at Yum-Mees, possibly the best candy store ever. I gain weight just walking in the door. We drove past the outlet stores (Coach, Timberland, Cole-Haan) right next to the Weatherdeck ( a local legend).

So what did I get out of the car ride? What did these snippets of someone's else world give me?

I picked up some great character names, some unique ideas for settings and a great plot idea. I love being nosy!

Pandas

2007-06-03T20:25:00.000-04:00

When I was a teenager, I went to an exhibit on China at the Museum of Science. It was fascinating. Exotic locations, enticing smells, new ideas and exciting ideas.

In one small section, there was an areas of pandas. Something about them appealed to me. And that was when the fascination started. It spread to pictures, tee-shirts, sweatshirts, stuffed animals, posters. You name it and it had a panda or was in the shape of panda, it became mine.

I enjoy zoos, but I am the first to admit that trips to San Diego Zoo were planned so that I could see the pandas. You see, they have a panda pavilion and it is amazing. There are three of them. Two adults and the youngster in their enclosure. Enough to walk throught a couple of times, the wait in line is so worth it.

So when my god-daughter was three or four, I decided to share my love of pandas. I bought M an enormous stuffed panda. Big enough to be seen through the passenger window (seatbelted, of course) as I drove it to Maine and M.

M was also bitten by the panda bug. She saw hers at the National Zoo in DC. Stuffed animals abounded. We exchange panda stories and pictures. At M's recent baby shower, there were pink balloons, pink candy, an iced pink cake and pandas scattered across the room.

Stuffed pandas that her fiancee had snuck out of the house. There were so many that I had to keep an eye on the stuffed panda that was part of my gift to Meghan's daughter.

When she reached my gift, M didn't need to read the card. "This must be from C, she gave my first panda and now she is giving my daughter hers."

Logic

Family History

2007-05-28T17:07:00.000-04:00

Memorial Day 2007

It is a beautiful day. Bright, sunny and warm. Not too hot, a gentle breeze wafting the scents of the blooming flowers. Petals of red, yellow, white, almost every color imaginable.

It is Memorial Day, a day to give thanks to those who have served our country. All of our service folk, the Army, the Marines, the Navy and the Air Force.

My family has a history with the military. My grandfather served in the Allied Expeditionary Force during WWI. My grandmother served in the Navy and was an active member of the American Legion. My father was a Marine, who served shortly after WWII. My brother served in the Air Force.

I don't have any stories from my grandparents, both of whom died before I was born. My father's stories, there were two, involved dolphins and St. Peter's Square. The dolphins accompanied his troop ship across the Atlantic. As he told the story, it gave him something to do on the crossing. When he arrived in Italy, he was assigned to the Vatican. He marched St. Peter's Square on sentry duty. Dad's remembered that his feet hurt.

My brother served in Germany at the time of the Solidarity strike in Poland. To a young man in his twenties, it was an exciting time. His job was to manage the munitions (bombs, explosives, ammo).

When I write, many of my characters are military officers or people who think they are military officers. I have often wondered why it is so easy for me to create these characters. Did the traits sneak their way into my DNA?

If so, I am luckier than I previously thought.

Where is everyone?

2007-05-20T19:51:00.000-04:00

Most of my commute is back or side roads. It is about 45 minutes each way. It is about 30 minutes back and forth to hockey.

I have driven these roads many times, so I let my eyes wander. Check out the houses, the yards, swingsets, driveways. But I don't see people.

No one in the driveway, no one in the garage, no one on the porch, no one in the yard.

Where is everyone?

Inside having dinner? Watching tv? On the internet?

At first, I hardly noticed. But day after day, week after week, nothing changed.

It is almost like the world is deserted. Or has it become sheltered?

Poetry Thursday

2007-05-17T21:26:00.000-04:00

Humor

Chuckles, giggles and howls
Mood changing sounds

A different outlook
focus on the human

Smiles spreading
Shared emotions

Planned and prosaic
Spontaneous and sporadic

Connecting people
Vivid memories

Eyes watering
Underpants wetting

Different for each
Common to all

GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!

2007-05-13T10:15:00.000-04:00

The ball rolled to a stop at my foot. I was standing at the fifty yard line, waiting to restart my field hockey game. I have never done this before. Not in more than 20 years of playing hockey.

You see, I play defense.

It was the last 15 minutes of the second half and we lead by 14-0. There's officially no mercy rule; so we switched sides. Our offense moved to defense and our defense (including me) moved to the front line. Where I stood with the ball at my feet, utterly confused.

I recovered quickly and passed the ball back. I cut forward and the rest of the defense (J, L and M) moved with me. We managed to get the ball into their territory and before I knew it, J had scored. And scored. She had a hat trick for the night!

Not bad for players who have spent years trying to prevent goals.

I passed the ball back (I got really good at it!) and we moved forward again. The other team managed to get the ball into our end temporarily. But C quickly stripped the ball from number 22 and drove it forward.

The ball moved under it's own steam and I raced forward, adjusting the angle of my run. I needed to touch it and it would be a goal. Just get my stick on it. My feet pounded the soles of my cleats as the fake grass exploded beneath the teats.

I wasn't thinking,just doing. I reached, reversed the stick, touched the ball and watched it roll. I pulled myself to a stop to avoid running into the goal.

I turned to find out what was happening when I heard my name being called, looking up to move to where I was being called. But, instead, the ref was giving my name as scoring the goal!

I scored a goal!

Random Thoughts

2007-05-06T18:07:00.000-04:00

My mind scattered this last week into more directions than I have fingers and toes to count with.

Why do I stress myself to get to yoga class?

Why don't all of the Red Sox players wear red socks?

Getting mail used to be fun, sharing exciting news, sales announcements, etc. Lately, everyone wants my money. Honestly, I want it more.

In field hockey, you have to score from within the circle. In lacrosse, you can't score from within the crease. It can be so confusing.

Why is that my nieces and nephews mature, but I don't get any older?

Why does my cat chase the squirrel across the bedroom when he is inside, but ignores the same squirrel when he is outside?

Watching the Future

2007-04-28T20:44:00.000-04:00

Watching kids play sports is always fun. On my commute home, I catch the pee-wee lacrosse league at one of the local high schools. Running, cutting, passing, quicksticking, marking, yelling, cheering! I am always so jealous. I remember those days and all of the great memories - oh to be young again.

These thoughts came to mind because of a baseball game that I watched this afternoon. For the 13 to 15 year old boys. As I sat there and cheered (only positive cheers!), I could start to see the men that they would become.

Obviously as teenagers, they are taller and bigger than the previous Little Leaguers or KickerKids. But there was something else too. The attitude, the determination, the sportsmanship was more apparent. There may not have been a major leaguer on the field, but there were several who dreamed of it.

As I dashed away out of the rain, I couldn't help thinking: "What's with the hair?"

Marathon Monday

2007-04-15T10:16:00.000-04:00

I have never run the Boston Marathon, but I have participated in them almost every year of my life.

For more years than I care to admit, I have lived on the Marathon route. This left me no choice but to participate. Not only because I couldn't leave my house, but also because everyone else wanted a place to watch.

While runners have fond memories of the race, their times, the muscle pulls, aches and pains. I have fond memories of cheering them on.

It starts with the wheelchair racers and doesn't end until several hours later. There is cheering, clapping, yelling. I like it best when I can see a name or a logo, then I can cheer for the person individually.

They have no idea who I am. They will never see me again. But for that tiniest moment, I am there for them.

Going

2007-04-12T20:40:00.000-04:00

Oh, the places you'll go!

Leaving the physical behind
Always above and around us

Watching

DNA shared through generations
Interests passed down
Traits established by your example
One person becomes many

Smiling

Games of baseball, football, hockey
Schools of all sizes and types
Marriages, Births, Commencements

Bragging

Searching for my father

2007-04-08T18:00:00.000-04:00

The other day, my father was transferred from one medical facility to another. Being one of five kids, I was alerted via the family telephone game (played these days with email).

I worried all day and then headed right from the office to go and check on him. I needed to see for myself that he was okay. Easier said then done.

It was Wednesday, the cold, sleety day. I was undressed and wearing the wrong shoes, so the walk through the parking lot did nothing to help my mood.

I stopped at patient information and asked where he was. They weren't sure. I was wet, cold and this news only served to worsen my disposition. My father was then located in the emergency room. Still. If this was true, it would be close to the 20 hour mark. I was getting warmer quickly.

Following the nice lady's directions, I walked to the emergenc department. The triage nurse didn't know where he was. It wasn't frustration that was now running through my veins, it was fear. Was I being passed to the next person so that someone else could tell me the bad news?

Now they determined that he was on the second floor. Probably the same elevation as my blood pressure at this point. Walking up the stairs, I turned the corner and saw the sign for ICU. Not again.

The ICU charge nurse was polite, but they didn't have him either. They called down to the woman at the front desk that I had already spoken with. No luck. She sent me around the corner to the other part of the second floor.

By this time, my stomach was churning and my mind was racing. I needed to see him. I needed to know that someone was caring for him. Visions of a stretcher stuck in an elevator or stranded in a corridor flashed before my eyes.

As I talked with the woman at the desk and realized that she didn't know where he was. Here is a 78 year old man, who can't walk. Where in the world could he have gone?

I stopped her from picking up the phone to call the front desk and I spotted Dad being rolled out of a room. Phewww!!!!!

He was fine, a little confused, but happy to be finally settled in his room. I think I was happier than he was. The sense of relief washed over me like the surf crashing on the beach.

Left-Handed

2007-04-01T13:52:00.000-04:00

I have been left-handed ever since I was a child. I have the left-handed softball glove, I preferred the left-handed desks in school. Why does this matter? It is my right hand that has carpal tunnel. Last Friday, while reading my book, I rested my head on my hand. It feel asleep and never really woke up. I could use it, but my fingers still tingled. I waited for the tingling to go away.

It seemed so minor that I almost didn't call the doctor. But over the weekend, I realized how much I use my right hand. I start the car with it, I run the mouse with it, I type with it, I use it in yoga and field hockey.

The doctor has me on meds and a brace. It is starting to feel better. This week was a good reminder, for a worrier like me, not to type your symptoms in a Google search window.

So, even though I tell people that I am left-handed (I do write left handed), I actually do more with my right hand. That's what seemed so weird. That and the tingling that wouldn't go away.

Poetry Thursday (sort of)

2007-03-29T21:49:00.000-04:00

This week (actually yesterday) was my mother's birthday. She is no longer with us and that is where my thoughts have been this week. So when I saw the prompt, I put my own spin on it. Here is my take on my mother in art (well, photographs)

Never Alone

Twins in pinafores
Lifelong friends

A wedding cake held overhead
Forty years of husband and wife

Children, five and all like
Grandchildren, increasing in number and size

Volunteer commitment recognition
Vacations on the beach

Her own skill - not quite right
Heads ending at the hairline

Her "camera face"
So much to give except
a natural expression

Present in photos
Present in memory
Present in me

Forever

Reading my book

2007-03-25T17:43:00.000-04:00

And I mean that literally.

Friday, I read my book. The book that I wrote during the most recent National Novel Writing Month (NANOWRIMO) - last November. It still doesn't have a title.

For those of you unfamiliar with NANOWRIMO, the goal is to write 50,000 words in 30 days. That means no going back, no editing. Just pushing forward and finishing. Truth be told, I hit the 50K mark, but the story wasn't done. So I completed it later (January, I think).

I printed it out, three hole punched the pages and placed it in a binder. It sat for a while until I had a block of time available. That time was Friday.

Sitting with my pen (a color other than red), I flipped open the binder and started to read the first page. The prologue seemed like a good idea at the time, but now, not really. It may need to go. Or more likely, I will convert it into a standalone story.

As I was reading and editing (word choice, phrasing), it was suprising how easy it was. Drop a word there, add a phrase there. Eliminate the following words everywhere: began, just, really.

It was more enjoyable as I continued. The pacing picked up and I was surprised to find that the pieces fell together nicely and while the ending was a little rushed, it was satisifying.

It was not all good, character's hair color changed quite frequently. I left one minor character in an airlock and I forgot a key reunion scene. But all are easily fixable.

This was also the first time that I have written sex scenes. And yes, I looked up and around to see if anyone was watching while I edited those pages.

On the whole, it was very enjoyable. The idea had been kicking around in my head for quite some time and it was great to see it come together in print. I would prefer book print, but that will simply take time.

Team Picture

2007-03-22T17:39:00.000-04:00

Kinderkicks to Professionals
Drawn by shared interest
Chosen for Skill

Blend of personalities
Poised and Posed
Hopeful and Expectant

Equipment: new, used and hand-me-down
uniformity in color and style
Differences transformed into unity

Friends, teammates, rivals
Smiles, numbers, nicknames
Games, playoffs, championships

Memories, good, bad and in between
Frustration, elation and triumph
Tears, cheers and celebration

A seasonal collection

Random Thoughts

2007-03-18T19:57:00.000-04:00

It has been a crazy week, so just some randomness this week:

At 3am, it seems like a good idea to throw the used Kleenex away and hope it hits the basket. At 6:30 am (now fully awake), a new floor sounds like a good idea.

Laundry never ends. Never.

I saw a movie that I enjoy start on TV. I pulled the DVD from the shelf and watched it without commercials. It ended one half hour before the TV version.

April is National Poetry Month - can I do thirty poems in a month? Can anyone?

I was responsible for dinner last Friday - a meal with no meat during Lent. It was difficult, but I managed to pull it off.

The snow from this last storm was heavy. Very heavy.

The raindrops froze on the trees and dropped to my driveway. When I left on Sunday, it was as if my driveway was covered in crystals.

Defining

2007-03-15T23:03:00.000-04:00

A character so vivid it etches into our soul
An athletic feat that goes unmatched
The iconic image of an era

One aspect that outshines all others
A change that can not be undone
Memories that evoke charged emotions

Photographs and Memories

2007-03-11T11:02:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, while cleaning out my father's condo, my first task was to clear the walls. I love the nice easy ones! Down came the 4 girls at the beach, the mother and children sewing by the window, the hideous clown picture. Having never been painted, the white walls soon dominated. All of the personality of the room slipped out the broken window. There were great expanses of white pockmarked by picture hangers.

It's a small condo and I finished pretty quickly. Staying in the living room, I tackled the two end tables. For a widowed man, he has an amazing amount of furniture. The first held seven rolls of scotch tape. Matches the eight cans of tuna in the refrigerator. I've learned not to ask.

The second held pictures, two drawers worth of pictures, years, or more accurately, decades of memories. Photo Christmas Cards sent to Uncle Bob and Aunt Mary of the nieces, nephews, grand nieces, grand nephews, children of friends, children of their children's friends. Picking up a photo of my younger brother holding a Raggedy Andy doll was worth the belly laugh.

Sitting indian style on the floor, years passed in seconds as the children grew before my eyes, in quite a few cases, a second time. There was the baby picture of my cousin's son in an aqua jumper with little fish all over it. This son is now a high school junior, a hockey player and the picture would horrify him. It made me smile.

It was the desk in the bedroom that had the biggest surprise. Tucked away behind a drawer was a photograph of my grandfather. He died before I was born and I'm not even sure that I had seen photographs. There he stood in his uniform, squinting in the sun. The back labelled with his name, his rank (a corporal), his division (101st Infantry) and army (101st American Expeditionary Force). I now know from whom my mother inherited her camera face. But the smile on my face was from seeing his ears. The ears that stuck out underneath his cap, that he passed to his children and from my review of the photographs in the living room, to both his grandchildren and great grandchildren.

Poetry Thursday (Red)

2007-03-08T22:01:00.000-04:00

Drops

Drip.Drip.Drip.
Tradition of Service

Drip.Drip.Drip
Proud and Loyal

Drip.Drip.Drip
Strength seeping away

Drip. Drip.
Trapped in haze

Drip. Drip.
A welcoming light

Drip.
Heroic and brave

Scarifice

The Quiet Car

2007-03-04T16:37:00.000-04:00

I was scheduled to give a presentation in New York this past Tuesday. The thought of all the work to fly such a short distance was disheartening. Driving in Manhattan was as appealing as a root canal without Novocaine. So, I finally decided to try the train, the Acela Express.

Why did I wait so long? It was so much easier. I drove to the station, parked my car, picked up my tickets and boarded the train. Done. No hassles. The train ride was smooth and uneventful allowing me to catnap between enjoying the seashore scenery outside my window.

I was able to use my laptop, my MP3 player and finish my book. On the way to New York, somehow I ended up in the Quiet Car. "Library Atmosphere" as the conductor kept reminding on the overhead. There were no cellphones, no radios, no loud conversations. It was thoroughly enjoyable.

On the way home, I deliberately picked the quiet car. I wrote a poem, started an essay, finished my book and listened to my MP3 player. I was concerned that I was cutting myself off from the passengers around me, but it felt right.

In total, I spent about seven hours on the train to do a 45 minute presentation. But I gained more than seven hours, looking out the window, I could see the living history around me in the warehouses along the train tracks, some meticulously maintained, others ignored. Seeing the suburban sprawl as houses clumped in subdivisions popped into my line of view. The docks standing tall awaiting ships and the railings sagging into the water waiting no more.

It was not just a day of discovery for riding the train, but for experiencing it as well. I don't think I will ever know which was more important.

Poetry Thursday (a day early)

2007-02-28T21:38:00.000-04:00

Inside and Outside

Focus on others
Understandingly aware

Almost patient
Almost tall

Laughs often
Cries meaningfully

In the middle
Yet the youngest

Animal tender
Creative caregiver

Lost in the crowd
Easily remembered

Skin that freckles easily
Smiles that appear often

Red, but not a Devil
A Niblet, but not yellow

Bursting with ideas!

2007-02-25T12:29:00.000-04:00

During December and January, I was in a little bit of a slump. The ideas for my writing were coming, but they weren't gelling, there were too many other things going on.

They're back and with a vengenance! If it seems like my ideas have a mind of their own, they do. Whether it is a character's name, a personality trait or a plot twist, each thread follows its own course. Sometimes they combine by themselves, other times, not.

What still surprises me, even after all these years of writing, is that I never fully know what will come out as I type. I once started a piece with a very unlikeable, stiff character and the next thing I knew, I wanted to comfort him.

Here's what happened: The character was a loner and therefore, it was easy for the others to have little or no interaction with him. My fingers, led by my mind, had a different idea. I detailed what had made this character a loner and his behavior made sense (well, almost, it's still an early draft) and he was easy to relate to. Not what expected, but I had this great, flawed character around which to build a stronger narrative.

After reading the above, I may sound a little crazy. Maybe even more than a little. But what I take away from it is this: listen to my instincts.

Random Thoughts

2007-02-18T12:57:00.000-04:00

One of the tv meterologists was so much fun to watch. He is talented and provides an accurate forecast, but on Tues, Wed, Thurs - he was a little kid let loose in the candy store. His excitement and eagerness were almost palpable.

I was shovelling the snow off my driveway at 6:30 the other morning, when I heard the no school horn. When I was younger, I would have rolled over and fallen back asleep. Now that I am a grown up, I buried my pangs of jealousy in a snowbank.

I still watch the list of school closings, but with a different focus. If the schools in a town are closed and the roads won't be in good shape; meaning an even longer, messier commute. I'm not sure if that is pratical or sad?

Pulling down the brim of my blue hat only made things worse. The hat kept my hair and ears from freezing, but it wouldn't stay in place. I spent more time adjusting the blue thing and tucking loose hairs into it, then I did shovelling. The best part was the laugh that erupted when I saw "hat-hair" in the bathroom mirror.

I see more of my neighbors during a snowstorm than at any other time. B. comes over with his snowblower in the morning and gets the first coat out of the way. P. comes in the afternoon and helps with the heavier second coat. L. helps find the $%&# drain so that the snow as it melts doesn't pool in our basements. Is this the "Mother" part of Mother Nature - bringing everyone together?

If so, she has the right idea. I think that one day, each winter should be called a snow day. For everyone, no work, no school, no plowing, just enjoying the weather and each other. We are fortunate to live in a region where when the snow falls, our environment becomes a series of Currier and Ives prints. We just need to be able to enjoy it.

Shutting off my father

2007-02-15T23:09:00.000-04:00

Cable connections deadened
Phone lines silenced
Darkened, unwelcoming windows

Donating the car
Selling the condo
Ties to outside being severed

A bed, a nightstand, a tv
A roommate, his first ever
Chosen by others

Painful to watch
Hard to accept
Needs to be there

His new world
small, restrained
like he is

The Wrong Focus

2007-02-11T14:54:00.000-04:00

Having finally achieved a major deadline at work, I feel I finally have time to breathe. And the guilts set in. I was so focused on my deadline and my work that other aspects of my life suffered.

I have been through this before and thought I had learned from those painful lessons. I have but not as much as I should have. This time around I had more of a balance, I still went to yoga, attended my writer's group and played field hockey. And I would be distracted bythe craziness of the office.

Temporarily.

I know that I am not perfect. But there are things that I am good at it. And during this past 6 week timeframe, I wasn't even good. I was just there.

The feeling of guilt should be offset by a sense of satisification that a task has been completed and is over. But I don't have that, just the guilt. Are there giggles, tears, fears that I missed because of my single focus? Yes.

I have heard it said that you learn the most when the lessons are the hardest. Logically, I know that there will be more lessons ahead, but optimistically, I can hope that they will be easier.

Parking

2007-01-29T22:33:00.000-04:00

When did parking become such an issue? I am asking because I drove around the parking lot of my gym twice before finding a spot. But, the issue is not just there. At least at the gym, the parking is free.

It is at my office today, but people keep stealing our spaces, so they have been roped off. That means I leave my car in the corral every morning and walk to the little path left between the rope and the fence. Always fun with coffee, purse, work bag, hockey bag in hand. I love gymnastics first thing in the morning!

I was talking to a friend of mine about lunch in Harvard Square and he mentioned that he could just take the bus there. I was jealous, but only for an instant. Riding the bus, while fantastic for people watching, means that I have to be on someone's else schedule. The thought is turning my hairs grey as I type. I would rather fight for parking.

Love of Words

2007-01-25T22:17:00.000-04:00

BIG, small
hurtful, encouraging,
funny, tongue twister,
mix and match.

Combinations of sounds,
blending of definitions,
creation of emotion,
evocation of meaning.

Tell a story,
spread a rumor,
speak your mind,
expression of yourself.

The Wrong Story

2007-01-24T22:26:00.000-04:00

The other day I went to the movies and saw a film about the first pregnancy in 18 years across the planet. I'm not really sure what category the movie fell into: horror, fantasy, science fiction.

The story was based on helping the young pregnant woman escape from the evil government (that topic I will save for a later blog) who would want to use her and her baby.

But as I sat watched the very handsome Clive Owen, my mind was distracted. How did the world adjust to this situation? Was there panic? What kind of research occurred? What caused the infertility? How did the people of the world adjust to the loss of children? I can't imagine a world without the sound of a child's laugh and wanted to see it in the movie, but it wasn't there.

Years ago, my mother gave me a plaque that reads, "Cats are like children, only with fur." The movie proved her right as almost everyone had a pet. Dogs, cats, goats, sheep - everyone had a pet or should I say, a replacement child?

Siblings as Parents

2007-01-14T17:27:00.000-04:00

Growing up there were times I couldn't stand to be in the same room, let alone the same house as my siblings. Maturity helped me accept and appreciate them for their uniqueness, but there is nothing to prepare you for watching them as parents.

No one describes the sudden need to turn your head when your brother says, "Because I told you so." I was waiting for his usual response (heard on many occasions) of: "That's not good enough."

There are no self-help books to guide you when a particular character trait has passed down to the younger generation and it merits the same reaction from your siblings that it did from your parents. Eye-rolling is never a good thing to do.

It is fun to watch your siblings enjoy their children, boast of their projects and progress. It's the change in perspective from keg parties to diapers can be a little unsettling; especially how quickly it can happen.

Poetry Thursday

2007-01-11T22:03:00.000-04:00

Overused words

Phrases coined by someone else,
yet totally mine.

Fit the situation to a tee,
every single time.

Words, thousands of them,
that create the same picture.

Bright White

2007-01-07T19:47:00.001-04:00

I left Boston this morning with my winter coat hanging open and my boots packed in my suitcase. Very unusual. I arrived in Denver to a temperature of 19 degrees and believe it or not, it felt good! The cold air was crisp, clean and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it.

The snow was even better. It was a bright, almost shiny white, coating the fields like icing on a cake. From the sky above, the roads look like the finger mark of a young child sneaking frosting.

The black, brown and mottled cows stood in stark contrast to the pristine surface on which they stood chewing their cud.

I have seen the snow capped mountains on postcards, beer cans and the like. But in person, almost touchable, their majesty is overpowering.

These are the reasons that I love to travel.

Connectedness

2007-01-02T09:13:00.000-04:00

Part of moving is the disconnecting and connecting of things, the water, the electricity, the phones, the Internet.

For several days, we had no connection (other than utilities) with the outside world, no phone or internet. I'm not a big fan of the phone, but I was surprised at how much I missed the television.

Not just any television, I missed the news, the weather, the traffic report. I don't read the paper anymore, I check the web or watch the tv. So, I was always a little out of date, a little behind with what was going on.

I have, like so many other people do, email buddies - people that I talk to only via email. I was lost. Work was too busy to allow much surfing there and the computer stared at me mutely when I returned home.

While I thoroughly enjoyed the quiet of no ringing phone, I missed the instant nature of television and internet. It is amazing how such small, thin wires (which have to be connected just so!) carry such a load.

Holiday greetings!

2006-12-24T12:49:00.000-04:00

Once a year, the world gives to one another. We give toys, we give food, we give money and we give gifts. We give time by volunteering, serving meals, wrapping gifts or spending time with others.

What it boils down is that we each create our own holiday identity. Some of us are known as gift givers. Some of us are known as bakers, makers of those fabulous Christmas cookies or truffles. Some of us are decorators, bright lights, figurines in the yard, beautiful wreaths.

As a kid, it is about getting to the bottom of the stairs first on Christmas morning. For teenagers, it is about the home cooked meals and seeing old friends again. When you are a parent, it is about watching your child open their presents. When you are a grandparent, it is the double joy of watching your children and their children.

My identity – I write this holiday letter.

No matter what your holiday identity, we all somehow mesh together. The bakers mingle with the decorators, the wrappers help the non-wrappers. Our main goal is the same and for a short time, a common one.

We want everyone to have the best holiday together.